Monday 26 November 2007

Grumpy Old Women - York - November 2007

The past cast of Grumpy Old Women reads like a who's who of HRT - the genius co-author Jenny Éclair, Linda Robson, Rhona Cameron; these are not ladies in whose presence a man feels at ease, so it was with some trepidation that I acquired tickets for my grumpy old lady's birthday.

Man, oh man, oh, man. Yep, I think that's it; three other blokes in the York Grand Opera House; you can taste the oestrogen (at least I hope it's oestrogen). Is it legal for so many women to be drunk in one place? It's like Glasgow city centre in A-line skirts.

Our hosts this evening are Denise Black (formerly the second most glamorous barmaid at the Rovers Return), self-styled "Posh Grump" and only remaining GOW "original" Dillie Keane and, wait a minute, that can't be right…

About 25 years ago I had a poster of Mary Goodnight on my bedroom wall. Clad in a bikini, it was the "aren't we a little overdressed?" scene from The Man With The Golden Gun.

Britt Ekland can be as grumpy as she likes but, like David Cassidy, Rod Stewart and others of her generation, she'll never be old. Not to these eyes.



The girls (I can call them "girls", can't I?) mesh wonderfully to deliver a slick script which is, in turn, inspiring and thought provoking but always hilarious. Britt, resigned to her fate as a GOW, reminisces about her dalliances with film and rock stars; Dillie, revelling in her GOW status, shouts and screams in a frighteningly authentic manner; Denise, clinging to her youth and refusing to grow up, slowly embraces her GOW-hood.

From list obsessions to the Lakeland catalogue, the show skips smoothly through a whole range of subjects which, in the grand scheme of things, don't matter but, when taken together, just wind us all (GOW and GOM alike) up.

So many highlights - the GOW manifesto; Dillie trying to channel Meg Ryan but knowing the immersion's been left on; Denise's oh-so-familiar experiences with her teenagers; Britt telling fart jokes.

The world is a slightly better place for Britt Ekland telling fart jokes.

Great show. Right, I'm off to buy some biscuit carriers. Has anyone seen my Lakeland catalogue?

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