Smoothing Jagged Edges: February 2009

I don't think I've mentioned it before, but I got a sat-nav for my birthday, so no more poring over maps and plotting routes in advance only to take a wrong turn 10 yards from the venue (see Colley WMC and countless other accounts).

Well, that's the theory; in the words of John Wetton, only time will tell, but what it definitely has done is introduced us to numerous roads which, I'm sure, are unused in decades. The TomTom seems to have some sort of algorithm built in which gives priority to single-track, unlit, twisting, turning cart tracks over such modern nonsense as, say, motorways. So it was that we emerged from a rarely visited and seemingly uncharted forest on the outskirts of Pontefract and found ourselves at the former Ackworth Moortop Club, (relatively) recently rebranded as Jester's Entertainment Bar.

The make-over artist is clearly of similar age to your reviewer because, once inside, you could be in any of the clubs where I used to bop to Frankie Goes to Hollywood or Aztec Camera (oh yes!) The eighties influence is inescapable and I was feeling quite at home.

Then Alan reported his conversation at the door:
“You'd better be good or we'll glass ya!”

It's an interesting approach to geeing up the turn, isn't it? From girls, too. Maybe they were on a trip from Hartlepool?*

It's a young crowd and the set is tailored suitably; I'd call it commercial, DB says it's cheesy. You know the drill by now – all the charty stuff and we don't get Dann's solo slot.

A couple of guests – a bloke on bass and another lass who gets to shake DB's tambourine (I should rephrase that, shouldn't I?) I don't know if a glassing was threatened if he'd refused, but it wouldn't surprise me.

Interesting gig, and no blood spilled, so I guess the patrons were satisfied.

*Utterly unfair, of course. The King Ozzy might look like 1970s Belfast, but we've never felt remotely threatened. Apart from by the bingo caller.

Been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time...

It seems barely possible, but with various illnesses, Christmas breaks and just bad booking (bloody Cleethorpes, I ask you!) it is fully FOUR MONTHS since we last saw the boys. The last time that happened was way back in 2006 - before their internet presence made stalking sooooo much easier!

Anyway, what's changed? Well, not the opening to the set, for a start - Higher Place/Runaway/...Miss a Thing/Love Walked In/Wanted - the familiar numbers greet us like old friends but then - gatecrasher!

It's about time we had some Rainbow in the set. Stone Cold wouldn't have been my first choice but it fits well with the other American-sounding (and genuinely American) stuff in the first set. I'm holding out for Big Dave singing Long Live Rock'n'Roll, though! Oh, the big man assuming the role of musical director - counting and cueing his bandmates through the new number - is an entertaining (and informative) sideshow!

Informative, oh yes. I never thought I'd be able to crowbar work into one of these reviews, but this is the structure of the compound disodium 6-hydroxy-5-[(4-sulphophenyl)azo]-2-naphthalenesulphononate.

That's a bit of a mouthful and we chemists are idle buggers, so it is commonly known as "sunset yellow" food colouring or E110. It can cause hyperactivity in children who consume it so, obviously, it is widely used in stuff like soft drinks and sweets. The sort of stuff kids never touch, y'know?

They must've gone through an awful lot of orange juice on Saturday.

Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down.

Pause. Breathe. Check mum hasn't abandoned you (who's that man and why is he trying to eat her face?). Have a drink of orange (gotta keep those chemical levels up, don't wanna come down before supper time). Resume.

Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down.

It says more than I ever could for Dann's Comfortably Numb solo that even the eight-year-olds stand in silence.

We're into the break and I realise my ears are ringing - no volume limiters here! Fortunately, this means that the bingo caller is little more than a background buzz. It seems they like their bingo here as much as they do in Hartlepool. It's a looooong interval! We win the twenty quid mini tote, though.

Back onstage, the rhythm section (Alan is hidden away out of the lights tonight) tease us with Dancing in the Moonlight. It has got to surface in the set one of these days!

Along with all the usual dance floor fillers, we get the always-welcome Wayward Son in the second half then Dann (who has been unusually animated throughout the night) turns in a blinding solo spot.

Big Dave is relieved of his AC/DC duties by a local lad (didn't catch the name) but delivers (as always) on Rock'n'Roll before the band is called back by the big, appreciative crowd for not one but two encores.

And so in Pink Floyd's Time, we are treated to the second new track of the night. By the close, DB's looking rather pleased with himself. He's probably entitled to, but I'll reserve judgement until I've heard it at more conservative volume.

Good gig. Best not leave it so long till the next one, though.

DB's best Tina Turner impression