My clubbing days were over before rave took off. Blimey, does that age me or what? We used to get hi-energi and a bit of electronica; it wasn't total shite, but, in honesty, I never really "got" it.
Club Live and Let Die is, of course, not your run-of-the-mill two-Bacardi-Breezers-and-a-quickie-in-the-carpark meatmarket but our second visit in just twelve months is, you've probably guessed, the girls' idea.
Tracie and Dann are at the restaurant before us (again!) and there's a brief panic about parking penalties before we dine but the highlight of the preliminaries is the slightly tipsy bloke who's bought the object of his desire three presents; a woolly hat, a stick of rock and a pair of furry handcuffs.
"Are you a Goth?" he asks Linda.
To which I suppose the answer is, "Tonight, Matthew, yes. Yes I am."
This year's Vampires Rock is different enough to last year's to merit a fresh write-up, but I want to compare and contrast so you'll have to piece it together for yourself.
The three lead roles are still filled by Steve Steinman (von Rockula), Emiley Clark (Pandora) and Mike Taylor (Stringfellow) but the cast is now augmented by Toyah Wilcox as the Devil Queen.
What has the addition of an extra character done to the narrative? Buggered it up completely, that's what. The "old" story was unimaginative and simple, but at least it flowed; with the addition of a wife on the sidelines, the Baron's seduction of poor Pandora becomes needlessly complicated.
The song introductions are clunky; each title being the "punchline" to a pretty obvious build-up. The set list has been juggled just enough to freshen the show (a decent Hell's Bells replacing If You Want Blood; Stringfellow's Queen numbers, the highlight of the show; Steinman and Toyah making a decent fist of the otherwise utterly execrable Changes; the bizarre inclusion of People Are Strange which just doesn't fit; a couple of songs which, to my shame, I didn't know - maybe they were Toyah songs because It's A Mystery and Thunder in the Mountains were conspicuous by their absence).
Ah, Toyah. She's aged well, has that one. That'll be the clean living, godly lifestyle she's been following for the last 20-odd years, I suppose. Looking good and hitting all the right notes - especially on Sweet Child o'Mine which suited her voice perfectly. She also cracked an "X-Factor reject" joke which would have been soooo much funnier if she'd made it "Stars In Their Eyes".
The sound was poor, it has to be said; the vocals were turned up way too high which caused distortion (which in turn accentuated the diction problems of both Steinman and Clark). It was particularly noticeable on last year's highlight, Total Eclipse of the Heart which was drunken karaoke standard this time around.
The band was solid; Jordan Bracewell filled the rather large boots of Eddie Ojeda but seemed to be on a short lead; not allowed to rock out too much so whether he's a Fripp (or a Rosingana, for that matter) we know not.
The everyone-on-your-feet-and-sing-along encore showed La Wilcox's influence again with the inclusion of God Gave Rock'n'Roll to You. This was introduced by way of a lengthy diatribe by Steinman telling off his audience for cheering the show's demonic references.
You need to keep your guest star sweet, Steve; we don't... At the altar of rock and roll we kneel.
Oh, and Blackpool had shut for the season when we got out. Two thousand rockers looking for a pint or five and they shut the Winter Gardens bars? What genius is in charge there?
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